A better thing to grow up with is to be funny I think, and if I had, if I had my choice I would still pick that..

I don't know what it's going to take for people to really wake up and understand that they [the Bush administration] are liars and they are murderers..

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny..

Madeleine Albright, when you see her, she's not a beautiful woman and she's getting older. But you're saying that woman has gravitas. She knows what ….

I mean, I'd like to see (Mitt Romney's) house burn, one of his millions of houses burning down. It would be kind of cool - the Mormon fire patrol..

Republican Party hasn't been black friendly over the many centuries in this country..

Statistically, skinny women die younger than fat women. Why? Because fat women are killing them..

I don't need a diet pill. I need something that gives you an electric shock when you reach for food..

I am comfortable with myself, and this is how I am. I am not really interested in having an acrimonious fight with somebody..

I want to do an intelligent talk show where you have room to breathe....

I’m interested in so many different things and I’d like to cover a lot of territory. I’m trying to see my show as the Sunday Times. You have the Arts….

As far as people communicating with each other well I think that listening is important. You know really trying to read between the lines of what som….

I don't get jealous of people. Jealousy is such a waste of time because you're jealous of them, and they go about their lives and have a wonderful ti….

The Republicans do not have feeling for people who are in bad shape..

Isn't it a little racist to call it Black Friday?.

I keep my stand-up comedy notes in a pile on my desk. I don't organize my act. I keep myself in a state of confusion. It stresses me out, but I prefe….

Have four things going. I have stand-up comedy, two television shows and I'm working on a play. I like to work, and I fear that something could fall ….

Those flowers were picked by illegal immigrants. And they're not voting for you, b*tch..

I want a man in my life, not in my house..

I think that comedy is a good defense for a child. Because you know childhood is a nightmare as it is. And so why not use comedy and being funny as a….

He's a terrorist. Rush Limbaugh is a terrorist..