You don't get anything done by planning.

Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?.

Pigeons: They've got wings, but they walk a lot..

If you don't have a plan, you can end up doing some interesting things..

I saw a bee have a heart attack..

I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff..

People who live in a glass house have to answer the door..

It's weird how me and that insect are miles apart in terms of lifestyle, yet we both like a biscuit..

If you’re worrying about the wrinkles on your bollocks I’d say your life’s pretty good.

Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight..

If you had five photos of anuses, I could not point mine out..

There was some women in a café the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on a….

I've been on the planet for 40 years now, and I'm still none the wiser as to what it's all about really. I've never worried about life's big question….

We've had the Iron Age, the Stone Age, this is the pissin' about age..

And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding..

I've heard that fact, that is you eat more than six bananas it will kill you. I saw a bowl with seven bananas in it and I thought, that's dangerous..

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off..

If Dracula can’t see his reflection, how come his parting’s always neat?.

When i was younger i remember once i went to bed and i was so happy that i laughed myself to sleep..

You never get an angry man suddenly breaking into a whistle..

If you can't do it, don't do it..