A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good..

Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can't see either..

It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him..

If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us..

Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble..

Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while..

If at first you do succeed don't take any more chances..

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others..

University: ... a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business..

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst..

None but the brave can live with the fair..

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish..

A loafer always has the correct time..

We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate..

There isn't much to be seen in a little town, but what you hear makes up for it..

I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans..

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done.

There's many a slip twixt the blueprints and a new house..

The fellow that calls you 'brother' usually wants something that doesn't belong to him..

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature..