Jokes have to be quite naked to be understood. They have to be quite simple..

All people are insane. They will do anything at any time, and God help anybody who looks for reasons..

He was talking about the sign that said 'THE COMPLICATED FUTILITY OF IGNORANCE.' 'All knew was that I didn't want my daughter or anybody's child to s….

The moral of the story is we're here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don….

I beg you to believe the most ridiculous superstition of all: that humanity is at the center of the universe, the fulfiller or frustrateor of the gra….

There are plenty of good reasons for fighting..

Dwayne's bad chemicals made him take a loaded thirty-eight caliber revolver from under his pillow and stick it in his mouth. This was a tool whose on….

There was a message written in pencil on the tiles by the roller towel. This was it: What is the purpose of life? Trout plundered his pockets for a p….

We are about to be attacked by Al Qaeda. Wave flags if you have them. That always seems to scare them away. I'm kidding..

There isn’t any particular relationship between the messages, except that the author has chosen them carefully, so that, when seen all at once, they ….

There is nothing left of him but curiosity and a pair of eyes..

Beware of "grandfalloons" and "foma". A "grandfalloon" is a proud and meaningless association of human beings. "Foma" are harmless truths intended….

Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even ….

People don't come to church for preachments, of course, but to daydream about God..

All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental..

As in my other works of fiction: All persons living and dead are purely coincidental, and should not be construed. No names have been changed to prot….

I am beguiled by your physical beauty, and I am moved by how head-over-heels in love with books you are. And nowhere else have I found such thoughtfu….

Only in books do we learn what’s really going on..

I asked this heroic pet lover how it felt to have died for a schnauzer named Teddy. Salvador Biagiani was philosophical. He said it sure beat dying f….

Anybody with any sense knows the whole solar system will go up like a celluloid collar by-and-by..

I think jokes are a perfectly viable form of literature. Some critics take issue with me because I make my points and discuss my ideas with jokes, ra….