Money can't buy poverty..

He made us laugh, he took my pain away. I love you, Lauretta..

Could be worse... Could be raining.

Too old to die young, and too young to grow up..

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act..

Sex is two plus two making five, rather than four. Sex is the X ingredient that you can't define, and it's that X ingredient between two people that ….

I don't enjoy anything while I'm doing it. I enjoy having done things, though..

I don't want to be a director. I want to direct. There's a difference..

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician..

Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians..

I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did..

You offer a sincere compliment on a great mustache and suddenly she's not your friend..