I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now..

God often gives nuts to toothless people..

I promise I'll do anything for you, especialy if it's easy. Homer Simpson.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head..

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all..

Part of the fun of being alive is knowing that you're annoying the hell out of someone else..

I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button..

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." Homer Simpson.

Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers..

My standard comment is, If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson..

No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you..

Families are about love overcoming emotional torture..

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun..

Living creatively is really important to maintain throughout your life. And living creatively doesn't mean only artistic creativity, although that's ….

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems..

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women..

Keep your expectations tiny you'll go through life not so whiney..

If God didn't want us to eat cows, why are they made out of meat?.

The entire world of grown-ups is corrupt and stupid..