You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button..

The entire world of grown-ups is corrupt and stupid..

I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now..

God often gives nuts to toothless people..

Families are about love overcoming emotional torture..

I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." Homer Simpson.

My standard comment is, If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson..

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun..

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all..

Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?.

If God didn't want us to eat cows, why are they made out of meat?.

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women..

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head..

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems..

No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you..

Living creatively is really important to maintain throughout your life. And living creatively doesn't mean only artistic creativity, although that's ….

Part of the fun of being alive is knowing that you're annoying the hell out of someone else..

Keep your expectations tiny you'll go through life not so whiney..

I promise I'll do anything for you, especialy if it's easy. Homer Simpson.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers..