Occupation: Comedian Birth: November 21, 1894 Death: May 3, 1963
My wife's father said if you marry my daughter I'll give you three acres and a cow. I'm still waiting for the three acres..
My wife is so stupendously ugly it is easier to take her with me than to kiss her goodbye..
My wife's the ugliest woman in the world - I'd sooner take her with me on tour, than kiss her goodbye..