I always hated those classic kid movies like Old Yeller or The Yearling where the beloved pet dies. What would be so wrong with having those damn kid….

Every moment of your life that is not a complete nightmare is happiness..

I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the c….

You just never know when it might be cookie time. And, that is what the dogs have taught me..

Reality television is a scripted hyper-life that employs writers, but won't allow them to call themselves writers or join the union..

My dogs, the only creatures on the planet marked by my singular nurturing imprint, have all turned out to be rude and self-absorbed. In all likelihoo….

Here’s what I learned: First thing in the morning, before I have drowned myself in coffee, while I still have that sleepy brain I used to believe was….

Men who have a lot of charm have it in place of something real that you are eventually going to want from them and find that they do not have..

whenever I encountered a slide show titled 'Eight Diet Foods That Pack on the Pounds' or 'Celebrity Fashion Fails,' I'd have to stop and investigate ….

Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date..

Beware the cute, hot guy who kind of reminds you of the parent you don't get along with: your cold, distant father who left when you were a kid or yo….

My goal was always getting my work out in the world, and in many ways, I feel like the luckiest person alive..

A more complex - but only slightly more original - way to feel out of it is available at the hip and pretentious nightclubs and bars along the Sunset….

I think people figure out early in their lives what currency they can work in..

Beware the old man in young guy's clothes. If he's over 35 and comes to pick you up looking as though he's headed for a skateboarding competition whi….

I have learned that the stuff that causes me anxiety, the stuff I instinctively veer away from, is usually a road map to where my own creative growth….

The day is divided into two important sections: Mealtimes and everything else..

Since - in my belief system - we each get only one go-round here on planet Earth, it is the task of the writer to interpret, examine, and reflect on ….

I’ve made my life’s work spotting assholes. And you know, I think it’s harder now than ever before because there’s so many socially acceptable ways t….

No one would argue against the fact that L.A. leads the country in opportunities for being hip and pretentious..

Some people know that they are so adorable looking, all they have to do is smile and dress up and they get plenty from that. Then there are some of u….