Life is an infiltration course. We all try and get through it. We all try and get through it unscathed - maybe not hurt, not bruised. No bones broken….

I buy women shoes and they use them to walk away from me..

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day..

Clark Gable once said to me, "'Acting school?' [If you go,] I'll kill ya!".

Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. Ther….

Hollywood has unfortunately become a memory. It's nothing but a sign on the side of a hill..

I keep going because if you stop, you stop. Why retire? Inspire..

Women liked me because I made them laugh..

Look, I come from vaudeville, I come from burlesque, I come from heartaches, I come from sadness, I come from gladness, I come from work and sweat an….

I hear Jerry Falwell every Sunday here talking about the devil and Hollywood. . . . I'm gonna write him a letter. Hollywood wasn't built on filth and….

On Hollywood turning its back on him: I wasn't in the club. You see, I'm not going to be a stroker. I never have been all my life..

And that's the way I have always lived, for the laughs – today. N-O-W. No Other Way..

I don't regret anything I've ever done. I only wish I could have done more..

Now. Now is the most important time of all of your young lives. And what does now stand for - N-O-W? No Other Way. That's the only time - NOW!.

To those seniors, and especially elderly veterans like myself, I want to tell you this: You are not alone, and you having nothing to be ashamed of. I….

Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-….

God bless the universe, God bless Japanese, Chinese, Indians, all of them and let's have peace..

Hey kids! Let's put on a show!.

I don't pick the roles. Your agent gets a call for you and you go and they all get together, everybody has fun at the reading, and they say, "There's….

When I was 19 years old, I was the number one star of the world for two years. When I was 40, nobody wanted me..

A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short..