I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy..

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later..

Every picture of you is when you were younger..

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too..

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?.

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread..

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long..

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily ….

I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat..

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall..

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them..

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's h….

A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it's the way we perceive it." And….

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same..

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized!.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it..

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?.

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to trave….

Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way: Prices and participation may vary. I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna ….

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait"..

I know people who believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves..