Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something..

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was..

Why are there no "during" pictures?.

I know people who believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves..

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away..

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's h….

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too..

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later..

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long..

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them..

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it..

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?.

I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat..

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to trave….

Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way: Prices and participation may vary. I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna ….

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall..

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same..

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait"..

A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it's the way we perceive it." And….

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized!.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy..