I am no more humble than my talents require..

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side..

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath..

Debbie Reynolds is as wistful as an iron foundry..

A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don't think of it first..

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left..

Ballet is the fairies' baseball..

A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it..

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line..

Self-pity - it's the only pity that counts..

So little time and so little to do..

George, if you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I..

It'd be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view..

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character..

I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment..

When I appeared before the draft board examiner during World War II, he asked me if I thought I could kill. "I don't know about strangers," I replied….

I don't like to play the piano. It makes me too attractive..

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too..

I'm a self-made man. Who else would help?.

It's not what you are, it's what you don't become that hurts..