Marijuana should be licensed and kept out of the hands of teenagers. It's too good for them..

As I've always said: The future lies ahead..

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles..

They said I ignored the drug problem. Well, I gave speeches on drugs, I wrote books on drugs. I did darn near everything on drugs!.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow..

People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, 'Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?'.

I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good..

Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar..

In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president..

If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun..

I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan..

If elected, I will win..

I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not ….

I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it?.

Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I h….

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off..

Sex doesn't have to be taught. It's something most of us are born with..

It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies..

We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass..

So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye..

If Iowa is the 'heart' land, what part of the human body is Los Angeles?.