We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for e….

Worrying about the future is a thing of the past. I don't think about it..

Why should old people get [Social Security]? They just sit around all day doing nothing..

So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye..

I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing ….

I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not ….

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limou….

I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan..

The Clinton Administration has turned out to be a boon. I knew that he would be wonderful, I just knew it from the beginning. From Arkansas? Shoot..

Many of you have asked why it's taken me so long to select a running mate. I have no intention of reaching into the political grab bag and grabbing a….

The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that..

Sex doesn't have to be taught. It's something most of us are born with..

The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down..

I don't need adult supervision..

You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check..

Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.'.

I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good..

In conclusion, you can see that there is a place for censors and we only wish that we could tell you where it is..

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off..

Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not?.

In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter..