I work sometimes from outlines, which are immediately abandoned. Sometimes, when I'm trying to find the characters, I'll sketch things out a bit. Som….

I think people who make checklists are the most miserable and alone because they are looking for the perfect Entenmann's that is delicious and has no….

If God didn't want you to have it, He would never have let you see it..

I was once all by myself in a house on Fire Island. Where I compared the original cast recordings of two different versions of The Wild Party. A heli….

Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile ho….

And so I continue in borderline poverty, save for my one indulgence, no, my single absolute necessity: I take cabs. Yes, on occasion, when I wish to ….

Writing is 90% procrastination. It is a matter of doing everything you can to avoid writing, until it is about four in the morning and you reach the ….

I never got that show - Les Miz. It's about the French guy, right, who steals a loaf of bread, and then he suffers for the rest of his life. For Toas….

Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials..

Because there’s a clock attached to every beautiful woman. From the second she comes into her own, she begins to decline, because she begins to age. ….

wait," I said. "so you're saying that you proposed to me because I'm a mess and I'm a person and because we need each other, while Rebecca was —— som….

Most convicted felons are just people who were not taken to museums or Broadway musicals as children..

According to Hollywood logic, none of the actual Titanic passengers was interesting enough, so the writer-director had to invent a Romeo and Juliet-s….

Whenever I stumble over my own feet, or blurt out a thought that makes no sense at all, or leave the house wearing one pattern too many, I always thi….

I just hate that gay role models are supposed to be just like straight people, as if even straight people are like that..

The only thing I have ever been asked [by a pollster] was the age at which I first indulged in oral sex (which, since it was a Yale Daily News poll, ….

There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy..

I just saw Titanic, which is a $200 million film about a real-life disaster at sea, but according to Hollywood Logic, none of the actual passengers w….

Have you ever been to a picnic? And someone blows up a balloon, and everyone starts tossing it around, and it's always just about to touch the ground….

Yes, I shot my wife because I thought she was Bigfoot, but I'm from New Jersey..

As a writer, I need an enormous amount of time alone. Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watchin….