Occupation: Comedian Birth: December 29, 1959
Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep..
What moron said that knowledge is power? Knowledge is power only if it doesn't depress you so much that it leaves you in an immobile heap at the end ….
The mistakes that I made I made because I drank too much. I don't think that's going to happen any more. Am I going to make mistakes as a parent? Sad….
I don't like sex ... I'm a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don't go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I'd ge….
It is the best part of the night. The classic interactive lines are 'Where are you from? What do you do for a living?' I almost always get something ….
I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen..
My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it..
It's funny that we think of libraries as quiet demure places where we are shushed by dusty, bun-balancing, bespectacled women. The truth is libraries….
I was one of the first people to almost actually vomit over hearing the use of the phrase "family values" and I pride myself on never having fallen f….
Speaking of happy successes, after years of struggling to lose those few extra pounds every mother puts on during adoption, particularly when the doc….
I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon..
I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long..
I happen to be a devout atheist. I don't believe in God. I still go to church -- I'm not a heathen. I go to an atheist church. We have crippled guys ….
I did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a night of all women comics,….
I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way..
The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community..
The pleasure of the mulch pile is incomprehensible. I wouldn't care if they just hauled the mulch to the landfill somewhere. Obviously, grass clippin….
I'm really more prolific than most stand-ups. My act changes. I do fold in new experiences, new observations, whatever you want to call it..
I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out..
I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings..
Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time..