I writhe when I see myself on the screen. I'm such a dreadfully clumsy hulking image. I say to myself, "Why doesn't he get off? Why doesn't he get of….

Criticism should be done by critics, and a critic should have some training and some love of the medium he is discussing. But these days, gossip-colu….

Women are more difficult to handle than men. It's their minds..

Facts - behind them lies the whole fabric of deductive truth..

Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is ….

Ecstatic over the total annihilation of the Earth, Dr. Strangelove "resurrects" himself, miraculously regaining his ability to walk. His mechanical, ….

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room..

Clouseau: Does yer dewg bite? Inn Keeper: No Clouseau: Nice Doggy (bends down to pet a dachshund - it snarls and bites him) I thought you said yer de….

I feel ghostly unreal until I become somebody else again on the screen..

Relax, I'll get it. (said to Kato after Clouseau knocks him unconscious).

François: Do you know what kind of a bomb it was? Clouseau: Yes, the exploding kind..

I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working..

You'll catch your death of cold. Clouseau: Yes, yes I probably will but . . . its all part of life's rich pageantry, you kneau..

When you have been killed as many times as I have, you get used to it..

It won't be easy, that is why I have always failed where others have succeeded..

I am here to fix the problem with yer pheaun..

Finally, in conclusion, let me say just this..

To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat..

If I can't really find a way to live with myself, I can't expect anyone else to live with me..

Conversation like television set on honeymoon... unnecessary..

If you ask me to play myself, I will not know what to do. I do not know who or what I am..