Cannibalism is a radical but realistic solution to the problem of overpopulation..

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife..

It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people..

People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans..

"It looks as though it was put in by an Indian." He later backtracked: "I meant to say cowboys.".

No, I'd probably end up spitting it out over everybody..

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I've practised for many years..

I would like to go to Russia very much — although the bastards murdered half my family..

Constitutionally I don't exist..

Tolerance is the one essential ingredient ... You can take it from me that the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance..

We live in what virtually amounts to a museum - which does not happen to a lot of people..

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested..

It doesn't look like much work goes on at this university..

It's my custom to say something flattering to begin with so I shall be excused if I put my foot in it later on..

That's more than you know about anything else then..

If a cricketer suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, are you going to ban cricket bats?.

Can you tell the difference between them?.

Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease..

If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion..

It's not a very big one, but at least it's dead and it took an awful lot of killing!.

Ah, you're the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then..