The food here is so tasteless you could eat a meal of it and belch and it wouldn't remind you of anything..

Sanford and Son is more than just a name. It's a condition, a dynasty, an empire. This here is the finest pile of junk of the world..

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing..

Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone..

If you can see the handwriting on the wall... you're on the toilet..

Music played a large role in the survival of the black people in America — that and a sense of humor that just couldn't be enslaved..

I carry a knife now because I read in a white magazine that all black people carry knives. So I rushed out and bought me one..

I feel sorry for people who don't drink or do drugs. Because someday they're going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won't know why..

I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know..

A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part..

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches..

This is the big one! You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey!.

Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys.. we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!.

The definition of indecent – when it’s in long, and it’s in hard, and it’s in deep – it’s in decent..

I ain't from Africa. I'm from St. Louis..

Hey! Leave the door open will ya? The flies haven't been out all day..

I'm a Sagittarian, see, I can't be fenced in. I been living in Las Vegas, greatest city in the world. I look out my window for 100 miles. In Vegas, t….

It's some chopped liver. That's Jewish soul food..

What's an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?.

You make me wish that birth control was retroactive..

Junk runs in the family. My granddad was a junk man in St. Louis and so was my uncle..