Don't drink too much." "When I can spell out your name in shot glasses, I'll stop." "I'll have to get a shorter name." "I'll have to forget how to sp….

Let me make sure I have this straight. The cavalry just now rode into town and it's a Czech Gypsy porn-star zombie killer. Have I got that right?.

This is where you first failed us. You gave us minds and told us not to think. You gave us curiosity and put a booby-trapped tree right in front of u….

Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces..

Try not to sing too many sad songs for yourself. The universe already hates you. Self-pity isn't going to help..

If I learned anything Downtown, it's this: the only real difference between an enemy and a friend is the day of the week..

I came ready to fight Genghis Khan and I walk in on a shut-in playing the biggest Dungeons and Dragons game in history..

No wonder Sherlock Holmes did all that coke. Math is hard..

In the Tarot deck, the Fool is depicted as a young man about to step off a cliff into empty air. Most people assume that the Fool will fall. But we d….

God is the great janitor of the universe. Why things don't work is that we have a janitor in charge, and we keep looking for the landlord..

All losers are romantics. It's what keeps us from blowing our brains out..

Love a man who'll bleed to make a point. (Candy).

Besides, do you think you would have come if I’d just popped into your tattoo shop one night around closing and said, ‘Hello, I’m the Prince of Darkn….

When you jump off a cliff, is it better to land on jagged rocks or burning lava? I know this one. The answer is obvious: It doesn't matter where you ….

I'd like to think they're staring at me because of my white-hot animal magnetism, but I'm not Elvis. I'm Lobster Boy, hear me roar..

I guarantee you I'm not going to forget your voice. We're going to run into each other down the road sometime, and when we do I'm going to pop you ap….

I tap a Malediction out of the box, fire it up, and puff. It tastes like a tire fire in a candy factory next door to a strip club. The best cigarette….

Enemies will kill you with a knife in the back. Friends will kill you with kindness. Either way you're dead..

The ashes of your existence will fertilize the soil for the universe to follow..

He wore his fear on his skin for everyone to see..

There are two Venices I know about and one of them is a hotel in Vegas. The other is an L.A. beach where pretty girls walk their dogs while wearing a….