I can say that I'm a feminist and I try to be progressive and all that stuff. But I when I'm tired or when I've been thrown up on for the second time….

People who concern themselves with the rights of other adults who engage in consensual acts involving sex, love, and/or eating croissants together ar….

Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is like fire..

We can and should complain about certain horrors of the modern world, but when it comes to the treatment of mental illness, the advances made in the ….

I no longer believe in freedom of speech..

If you have an opinion on what other adults do consensually with other adults when they take their pants off, you're a weirdo..

Cats probably wouldn't need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn't smoke cigarettes..

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth..

The best thing you can do when you're not feeling funny is go out and get more stimuli from the world, get out and walk around, read a book, go talk ….

A long-term relationship is about showing up and working hard and banking on each other. If one's down, the other might be up and can help the other ….

I'm a comedian at the beginning and the end of the day. I'm not affiliated with any campaign, nor do I generally find politics interesting enough to ….

It makes me sad that corporations and media and Hollywood conspire to make people feel terrible about their bodies from the second they wake up ,so I….

I think your ambition for something changes as you go..

It's hard for me to get embarrassed, but the things that do embarrass me would be if anybody ever heard my wife and I talking in our robust, made-up ….

But I also know in standup, there's nowhere to hide. You get on stage and you deliver, or you are eviscerated and you are thrown into a pile of bodie….

In high school, I definitely fancied myself an intense guy, which is so lame..

I had always loved comedy, and acted out Steve Martin and Bill Cosby albums with my sister for my parents on road trips and stuff, and I loved to lau….

People moved in across the street and are immediately cutting down a huge tree. Their toothbrushes will know my buttonhole..

I hate wearing suits and ties..

With Twitter, you just want to make people laugh in their meeting; on stage, people have paid for their tickets with their hard-earned money, so I ow….

I'm endlessly fascinated by parenting, marriage, my wife and the ins and outs of marriage..