Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one.

The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the heck out ….

Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got..

There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be m….

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a d….

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony..

You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health..

I can get dressed earlier in the evening with every intention of going to a dance at midnight, but somehow after the theatre the thing to do seems to….

My first big mistake was made when, in a moment of weakness, I consented to learn the game; for a man who can frankly say "I do not play bridge" is a….

If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from..

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing..

The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life whichdoes not include at….

If you are one of the hewers of wood and drawers of small weekly paychecks, your letters will have to contain some few items of news or they will be ….

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competit….

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death..

Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that….

I haven't been abroad in so long that I almost speak English without an accent now..

Birds which are the same color as the foliage in which they nest are less likely to be disturbed by other birds who want to drop in and chat, and the….

The problem of what to wear while lolling about the house on a Sunday afternoon is becoming more and more acute as the fashions in lolling garments c….

What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition ….

The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart kn….