Hamlet at 70: "To sleep, perchance to dream. To awaken, perchance to go to the bathroom.".

Ever wonder what crime you committed that you are confined to a small enclosure above your sinuses, under permanent skull arrest?.

Does a rose exist that I might behold it? Or do I exist that a rose might be beheld?.

Be it human or animal, touch is a life-giving thing. Has anyone ever had a stroke or a heart attack while cozied up with a pet? I doubt it..

To accept on faith is the basic requirement for getting on with life..

It's still possible to be a cockeyed optimist these days - you just have to be a little more cockeyed..

Alas, by the time Fate caught up with my life, Chance had it all planned..

You can think of a painter as a trio - the artist, his talent and his muse, the last two always on the lookout for a new brush man..

Whoever dreamed up Scrabble had an exaggerated idea of how many 7-letter words have five i's..

Everything we possess that is not necessary for life or happiness becomes a burden, and scarcely a day passes that we do not add to it..

Life is not fair, nor has it ever been, but the morning seems determined to dawn until it is..

The trouble with having a body is that people know it's where you hang out and you don't get any privacy..

While I find that I can keep my nose out of other people's business, I do have a curiosity as to their non-business activities..

As a friend, you first give your understanding, then you try to understand..

Looking back you realize that a very special person passed briefly through your life- and it was you. It is not too late to find that person again..

Man is the only animal who enjoys the consolation of believing in a next life; all other animals enjoy the consolation of not worrying about it..

Words from the past: "It's a clever idea, Mr. Bell, but don't wire us, we'll wire you..

Our most difficult task as a friend is to offer understanding when we don't understand..

My health plan doesn't cover dental, so I enrolled my teeth as 32 dependents, each needing a complete physical once a year..

Is it my imagination, or does shipping and handling settle a box of crackers more than it used to?.

Does it seem sometimes that you are always the one to break an embarrassing silence — and always by saying something more embarrassing than the silen….