When I was little, there were three channels..

If I do the same act that I did in 1995, in essence you're saying (in a robotic voice), 'My mind has never changed'.

I didn't plan on being a comedian. I didn't plan on getting married and I didn't plan on having kids, but I did all those things..

I can drink on the job if I want to. I can go on stage with a beer and it's OK. I can say whatever I want. It's a great job to have..

You can talk about anything if you go about it the right way, which is never malicious..

Kids today know way more than you think they do, with the Internet and 500 TV channels..

I thought comedy would be the hardest thing I could do, and if I could do that, I could do anything..