Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana..

The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!.

We're expecting a lot of rain in the state of Oregon, so let's just get rid of Oregon..

If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!.

I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around..

When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda..

I cant sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. Im shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982..

What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess..

Quiet! I'm expressing myself!.

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards..

Two thongs don't make a right..

I am breathing. That's how I'm staying alive!.

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe..

I look like Walt Disney just threw up..

I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States..

I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny..

I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada..

If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife..

If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me..

The sky, the sky beyond the door is bluuuuuuue!.

I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just sa….