I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order..

Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!.

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out..

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's ….

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!.

How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?.

Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs..

You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food..

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'.

Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad..

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee..

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change..

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth..

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows..

With any other celebrity, people come up and say, 'Hey, I really like your work.' But with my fans, when they see me, they don't even say hello. They….

I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the t….

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years..

Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid..

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't ….

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row..