I feel like dying when I'm helpless.

If any of you cry at my funeral I'll never speak to you again..

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it..

Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth..

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep..

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led..