He has been positively growing tusks trying to create a breed of human insect which will continue to live on this accursed planet. Everyone needs a g….

Ideas are self-replenishing, like snot.

Hang up the phone on a vampire, the definition of carefree..

We have truth in order not to die of art..

A sniper is like a genius - it’s not enough to be one, you have to be one at something..

Biting enemies seems to be acceptable in a surprisingly narrow range of circumstances, or so a ninja shouted at me once.

The best way of getting into something is to think of it as mischief..

In books there's nothing of the fish covered in the coldness of the sea, or the feeling of a star touching space. Bad for business..

In America, fundamentalist Christians believe the world was created 6,000 years ago - in England people drink in bars that are older than that..

Scientists used to do an experiment whereby a dog's repeated reward for performing a task was unaccountably replaced by punishment. The dog, knowing ….

One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of God's existence..

Sanity’s a virginity of the mind.

Gun stripping is the tea ceremony of America..

Satire works in a bunch of specific ways, like a very precisely-geared bomb. It's a bit like something that looks harmless, and you swallow it, but o….

From space this Earth is incandescent with abominations - the gods write their signature in our entrails.

The law is where reality goes to die..

One thing you’ll say for skeletons, they’ll always give you a smile..

What’s life in this nation? Collect emptiness in a household of cornflakes. Transient fuel gobbles attention, the television aches, the truth walks. ….

The optimist sees the future as a rabbit sees the oncoming truck - getting bigger, not closer..

I knew books could see people around them, they ground their tiny teeth, tried to rattle like windows, stories to tell..

Originality irritates so obscurely that people may have to evolve to scratch it..