My dad has a weird hobby; he collects empty bottles... which sounds so much better than "alcoholic.".

I went to a Karaoke Bar last night that didn't play any 70s music, at first I was afriad, oh I was petrified.

Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...then it hit me.

I don't think lesbians should be allowed to use dildos, afterall they've made their choice.

I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn't like being spoken to in that voice..

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that..

Allyson Smith reminds me of a younger, prettier, funnier me. Now if you'll excuse me, the ladies from my bridge club have arrived..

So what if I can't spell Armaggedon? ... it's not the end of the world..

My father is schizophrenia, but he's good people..

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!.

Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West.

So what if I cant spell Armageddon, its not the end of the world..

You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks..

Even though I'm proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear..

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down..