I'm spectacularly disorganised. I wrote my latest book in seven different notebooks scattered throughout my house..

8.45 a.m. My mother is in the hospital grounds smoking a cigarette. She is looking old and haggard. All the debauchery is catching up with her..

I don't know why women are so mad about flowers. Personally, they leave me cold. I prefer trees..

I am from the working class. I am now what I was then. No amount of balsamic vinegar and Prada handbags could make me forget what it was like to be p….

I've always loved books. I'm passionate about them. I think books are sexy. They are smooth and solid and contain delightful surprises. They smell go….

Yes, I hate it when people call me a 'national treasure'. It takes away your bite and makes you feel like a harmless old golden Labrador..

Every time I start a new piece of work, I spend a long while under the duvet thinking I can't do it..

Most social problems could be helped or prevented if people had more money and practical advice..

I think it's essential for comic writers to have a hate figure, a despot, a regime to react against, and I think Thatcher was perfect for me, I loath….

There's only one thing more boring than listening to other people's dreams, and that's listening to their problems..

I asked Mr. Vann which O levels you need to write situation comedy for television. Mr. Vann said that you don't need qualifications at all, you just ….

I'd love a day devoid of responsibilities. I've often thought about going to a hotel just to have a day away from everything..

My skin is dead good. I think it must be a combination of being in love and Lucozade..

Adrian Mole's father was so angry that so many pepole got divorced nowadays. HE had been unhappilly married for 30 years, why should everybody else g….

It's no surprise to me that intellectuals commit suicide, go mad or die from drink. We feel things more than other people. We know the world is rotte….

Now I know I am an intellectual. I saw Malcolm Muggeridge on the television last night, and I understood nearly every word. It all adds up. A bad hom….

She liked people. Me, I can take them or leave them, but mostly leave them..

I am surrounded by counselors. My sister is a counselor. My daughter is training to be a counselor. A lot of my friends are counselors..

The monarchy is finished. It was finished a while ago, but they're still making the corpses dance..

I have decided to keep a full journal, in the hope that my life will perhaps seem more interesting when it is written down..

Love is the only thing that keeps me sane..