Terry Pratchett

Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still alive.

The more you think about it, the more amazing the everyday world of human beings becomes: most of it doesn't actually exist at all.

If words had weight, a single sentence from Death would have anchored a ship.

No, what he didn't like about heroes was that they were usually suicidally gloomy when sober and homicidally insane when drunk.

This I choose to do. If there is a price, this I choose to pay. If it is my death, then I choose to die. Where this takes me, there I choose to go. I choose. This I choose to do.

Words are the litmus paper of the mind.

There should be a word for that brief period just after waking when the mind is full of warm pink nothing. You lie there entirely empty of thought, except for a growing suspicion that heading towards you, like a sockful of damp sand in a nocturnal alleyway, are all the recollections you'd really rather do without, and which amount to the fact that the only mitigating factor in your horrible future is the certainty that it will be quite short.

Even if it's not your fault, it's your responsibility.

Chances are where you find them

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

HOROSCOPE: Today is a good time for making new friends. A good deed may have unforeseen consequences. Don’t upset any druids. You will soon be going on a very strange journey. Your lucky food is small cucumbers. People pointing knives at you are probably up to no good. PS, we really mean it about the druids.

If you don't know when to be a human being, you don't know when to be a witch.

I'm trying to have a moment o' existential dreed here, right? Crivens, it's a puir lookout if a man canna feel the chilly winds o' fate lashing aroound his netheres wi'out folks telling him he's deid, eh?

I wouldn't trust you with a bucket of water if my knickers were on fire!

What did I tell you about Mister Safety Catch?' said Vimes weakly. When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend,' recited Detritus, saluting.

It was sad, like those businessmen who came to work in serious clothes but wore colorful ties in a mad, desperate attempt to show there was a free spirit in there somewhere.

Just because it's not nice doesn't mean it's not miraculous.

He thought about how it might be to be, say, a fox confronted with an angry sheep. A sheep moreover, that could afford to employ wolves.

I think it's IMPOSSIBLE for anyone famous to come from here, because everyone around here is insane.

Anyway, why would you trust anything written down? She certainly didn't trust "Mothers of Borogravia!" and that was from the government. And if you couldn't trust the government, who could you trust? Very nearly everyone, come to think of it.

Stand before your god, bow before your king, kneel before your man.