We cannot expect you to be with us all the time, but perhaps you could be good enough to keep in touch now and again..

Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it..

A soprano in Massenet's Don Quixote complained that she had missed her entry in the aria, "because Mr. Challiapin always dies too soon." "Madam, you ….

I find brass bands have a melancholy sound. All right out of doors, of course - fifty miles away. Like bagpipes, they turn what had been a dream into….

The function of music is to release us from the tyranny of conscious thought..

The sound of the harpsichord resembles that of a bird-cage played with toasting-forks..

Composers should write tunes that chauffeurs and errand boys can whistle..

They are quite hopeless - drooling, driveling, doleful, depressing, dropsical drips..

Her singing reminds me of a cart coming downhill with the brake on..

Music first and last should sound well, should allure and enchant the ear. Never mind the inner significance..

The trouble with women in an orchestra is that if they're attractive it will upset my players and if they're not it will upset me..

There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between..

At a rehearsal I let the orchestra play as they like. At the concert I make them play as I like..

The bagpipes sound exactly the same when you have finished as when you started.

If I were a dictator I should make it compulsory for every member of the population between the ages of four and eighty to listen to Mozart for at le….

"Have you heard any Stockhausen?" Beecham was asked. "No, but I believe I have stepped in some.".

Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away..

The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes..

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes..

The sound of a harpsichord - two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm..

If an opera cannot be played by an organ grinder, it's not going to achieve immortality..