I make no pretense to accuracy. I shall be quite content if the sensibilities of no one are wounded by anything I may reduce to type..

Death had to take Roosevelt sleeping, for if he had been awake, there would have been a fight..

What America needs is a good five-cent cigar..

Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea; the other was elected vice president of the United States. And nothing was heard of either of them….

What this country needs is a really good 5-cent cigar.

I'm from Indiana, the home of more first-rate second-class men than any other state in the union..