When anything huge happens to me, I always think, this isn't my moment, this is a moment..

Life can very genuinely and realistically pile things on. It doesn't dole out the heartache and pain, or joy, perfectly..

Not many people have had as much bad luck as I have, but not many people have had as much good luck, either..

I hold back parts of my life and experiences... I don't want to share anything just for the sake of sharing and exposing myself, but if something fee….

As soon as I say I'm from Texas people say, "Oh, I'm sure the school was horrible" and they picture me wearing some barrel and suspenders and people ….

I think every person and place is interesting, and there's an interesting story behind every door..

Everything's happened to me. Nothing can happen to me now..

I'm the luckiest unlucky person..

I didn't just want to be the one who was always looking around at the weird family members. I wanted to make my mistakes..

The ideal length of time for sex to last is the entire relationship, breaking only for snacks..

I really wanted to, but I just didn't understand how people became comedians. I kind of thought it was something you were born into. And so I wanted ….

Everybody, male or female, needs to possess qualities that they expect others to uphold. Being aware of yourself and your actions allows you to asses….

I was talking and playing pranks and skipping school, failing pretty much every class I took..

When I announced I had cancer on stage, it was my brain leaping to that insane moment of, "There's no way I could start a show saying, 'Hi, I have ca….

I was really into music. I started playing guitar also when I was nine. I wanted to be in the Beatles, even though John Lennon died the year I got a ….

My age makes all my wrinkles and gray hair make sense..

I start crying when certain things come up, certain memories, certain feelings, and it's intense. But I think it's good for me - and therapeutic..

I love drama - I would say more than I even love comedy - but I like in One Mississippi that I can go from a very moving moment to a Willy Wonka tube….

I love devastating movies, documentaries and hummingbirds (yes, in that order)..

I didn't know whether I'd be attractive to anybody..

I'm now a pretty good mix of my mother and my stepfather because I'm in general pretty mellow. I'm not hyper-emotional. But there's also this side of….