Explore Quotes by Tom Lehrer

Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here

The Army has carried the American... ideal to its logical conclusion... Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability.

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.

Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

Bad weather always looks worse through a window.

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.