Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water..

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food..

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake..

You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living..

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her..

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain..

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places..

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer..

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C..

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it..

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get..

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appea….

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted..

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to..

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure..

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money..

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol..

First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks..

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender..

Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself..

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with..