Hurry up and learn patience..

If you have to learn it from a self-help book, you may be beyond help..

Seek but provision of bread and wine, fools to flatter, and clothing fine; and nothing of God shall ever be thine..

A $20 haircut hardly ever lasts longer than a $5 haircut..

There is nothing personal about a personal ad..

There is no such thing as a self-cleaning oven..

Never trust a woman whose father calls her 'Princess'. Chances are she believes it..

The chief beneficiary of life insurance policies for young, single people is the life insurance agent..

Always take an extra quarter to the laundry room..

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste..

They aren't kidding when they say, "Wash Whites separately..