I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans..

Of course killing people is 'wrong', but I think history shows that sometimes it serves the greater good..

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there..

Put God and me in a cage, what do you think who will win. God, because I created him..

I never taught a blind/deaf chick to read, but somehow I've managed to turn Scrubs into a watchable show. That may not sound like much, but take a lo….

I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me..

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents..

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose ….

It's not that I think the Nazis were right, or anything. It's just that, we weren't there, we don't know..

As a kid who wasn't into sports, at school I felt almost alienated at times, whereas in the theatre community there was this amazing sense of camarad….

It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon….

I know that [Mike] Tyson talked about wanting to eat his opponent's children, but I don't think he ever had the balls to do it. I'm different - when ….

Every time I see a child walking down the street I like to trip them. While they look for their missing teeth, I personally remind them that no matte….

I remember once I went to go see a movie, and in front of me in line there was a little boy who looked so eager to see it, like it was Christmas morn….

I really don't give a care, I'm going to live for ever.

At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter.

It blows my mind that there are people out there who deny the holocaust. Why would you ever deny such a great achievement. It's like denying the cure….

A lot of people say colonialism was 'evil' or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don't think it sh….

First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was addicted to crack, so of course she did ….

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog.

Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true..