I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents..

I know that [Mike] Tyson talked about wanting to eat his opponent's children, but I don't think he ever had the balls to do it. I'm different - when ….

Every time I see a child walking down the street I like to trip them. While they look for their missing teeth, I personally remind them that no matte….

I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I'm Jewish, and there's nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting aroun….

I remember once I went to go see a movie, and in front of me in line there was a little boy who looked so eager to see it, like it was Christmas morn….

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people..

I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myow….

It's not that I think the Nazis were right, or anything. It's just that, we weren't there, we don't know..

I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans..

At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter.

First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was addicted to crack, so of course she did ….

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose ….

I really don't give a care, I'm going to live for ever.

I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me..

Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true..

I never taught a blind/deaf chick to read, but somehow I've managed to turn Scrubs into a watchable show. That may not sound like much, but take a lo….

A lot of people say colonialism was 'evil' or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don't think it sh….

As a kid who wasn't into sports, at school I felt almost alienated at times, whereas in the theatre community there was this amazing sense of camarad….

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there..

It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon….

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog.