My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

- Buddy Hackett

At the Sahara, the seats are banked and most of the audience is looking down at the stage. Everybody in the business knows: Up for singers, down for …

- Buddy Hackett

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

- Buddy Hackett

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

- Buddy Hackett

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a l…

- Buddy Hackett

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

- Buddy Hackett

I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

- Buddy Hackett

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

- Buddy Hackett

Ninety-nine percent is in the delivery. If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on the punch line…

- Buddy Hackett