A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.

- Arthur Baer

A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.

- Arthur Baer

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.

- Arthur Baer

You can always judge a man by what he eats, and therefore a country in which there is no free lunch is no longer a free country.

- Arthur Baer

If you demand money from someone in exchange for your silence, it's called 'blackmail'. If your lawyer demands money from someone in exchange for you…

- Arthur Baer

It was as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope.

- Arthur Baer

If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end.

- Arthur Baer

About a veteran player thrown out trying to steal second: There was larceny in his heart, but his legs were honest.

- Arthur Baer

An empty cab drove up and Sarah Bernhardt got out.

- Arthur Baer