They'll give you an Oscar if they think you're about to drop dead. The problem with The Oscars is, the average age of The Academy is 84. They wheel t…

- Joe Bob Briggs

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

- Joe Bob Briggs

It's not a crime to get drunk.

- Joe Bob Briggs

The movies that are honored at The Oscars are always a certain type: Old-fashioned. It's a bunch of well-made, old-fashioned movies that support our …

- Joe Bob Briggs

The fifties were when people started coming down on "juvenile delinquents," "hoodlums," "vandals"--anybody that was young, wore a motorcycle jacket, …

- Joe Bob Briggs

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.

- Joe Bob Briggs

I hate The Oscars. The Oscars make me want to throw things at the TV. In the ancient history of The Oscars, people would go on and make political sta…

- Joe Bob Briggs

You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America.

- Joe Bob Briggs

I AM a male chauvinist. Who's been saying otherwise?

- Joe Bob Briggs