Another parent's different approach raises the possibility that you've made a mistake with your child. We simply can't tolerate that because we fear that any mistake, no matter how minor, could have devastating consequences. So we proclaim the superiority of our own choices. We've lost sight of the fact that people have preferences.
Interpretation
Parents often feel threatened by alternative parenting styles, leading them to defend their own choices rather than recognizing individual preferences.
In this quote, Ayelet Waldman reflects on how parents may react defensively when faced with different parenting approaches. This defensiveness stems from a fear of being judged or believing that any mistake in parenting could lead to negative outcomes for their children. Consequently, they may assert the superiority of their methods instead of acknowledging that different children and families might require unique strategies. The essence of the quote is a reminder of the diversity in parenting and the importance of tolerance and understanding in accepting differing viewpoints.
In practice
During a parenting seminar about different styles, you could share this quote to open discussion about acceptance.
Despite the fact that in America we incarcerate more juveniles for life terms than in any other country in the world, the truth is that the vast majority of youth offenders will one day be released. The question is simple and stark. Do we want to help them change or do we want to help them become even more violent and dangerous?
Parents who discipline their child by discussing the consequences of their actions produce children who have better moral development , compared to children whose parents use authoritarian methods and punishment.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.
The real meditative practice is to open up to the full range of what happens in life. And parenting is a fantastic arena for doing that kind of spiritual training. It's as much a potential door into enlightenment as anything else.
There's nothing to be gained, and much to be lost, in trying to bend every child to match a one-size-fits-all notion of what it means to be a boy or girl of a specific age. Better to set a few parameters and then go with the flow. Call it 'jazz parenting.'
In the same way that I cannot be perfect and need grace for my mistakes, I also need to give my kids grace. I am constantly learning to be patient with them, understanding that they won't do everything right all the time, while still holding them to a high standard, as their heavenly father does.
This is how I learn most of what I know about my children and their friends: by sitting in the driver's seat and keeping quiet.
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