I will not calm down! Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards.

- Liz

I grew up around a lot of boys - all my friends on my street were boys, so I was the only girl for a while hanging out with them. I have a little bit…

- Liz

It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.

- Liz

If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.

- Liz

I have many, many voices. I talk to my dogs like in the strangest voices you can imagine.

- Liz

You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.

- Liz

Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?

- Liz

I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.

- Liz

Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to …

- Liz