I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.

- Jay London

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

- Jay London

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.

- Jay London

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

- Jay London

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

- Jay London

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes

- Jay London

I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.

- Jay London

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

- Jay London

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but a…

- Jay London