The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't spitting it out.
No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry. - Justin Halpern
No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry.
- Justin Halpern
The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two. - Justin Halpern
The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.
When it's asshole-tightening time, that's when you see what people are made of. Or at least what their asshole is made of. - Justin Halpern
When it's asshole-tightening time, that's when you see what people are made of. Or at least what their asshole is made of.
That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them. - Justin Halpern
That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.
People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to… - Justin Halpern
People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to…
Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom. - Justin Halpern
Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom.
Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes. - Justin Halpern
Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes.
On My Last-Place Finish in the 50-Yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “It kinda looked like you were being attacked by a bunch of bees or somethin… - Justin Halpern
On My Last-Place Finish in the 50-Yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “It kinda looked like you were being attacked by a bunch of bees or somethin…
On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car… - Justin Halpern
On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car…
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