The female sex has no greater fan than I, and I have the bills to prove it.

- Alan Jay Lerner

Back home everyone said I didn't have any talent. They might be saying the same thing over here, but it sounds better in French.

- Alan Jay Lerner

You see what happens today. Women act like men and want to be treated like women.

- Alan Jay Lerner

Don't let it be forgot, that once there was a spot, for one brief shining moment, that was known as Camelot.

- Alan Jay Lerner

Thank heaven for little girls! For little girls get bigger every day.

- Alan Jay Lerner

Coughing in the theater is not a respiratory ailment. It is a criticism.

- Alan Jay Lerner

Youth has many glories, but judgement is not one of them, and no amount of electronic amplification can turn a belch into an aria.

- Alan Jay Lerner

Why can't a woman be more like a man? Men are so honest, so thoroughly square; Eternally noble, historically fair; Who, when you win, will always giv…

- Alan Jay Lerner

It's not a pretty face, I grant you. But underneath its flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

- Alan Jay Lerner