I don't stutter when I talk to God. He loves me.

- Bennett Cerf

One of the troubles of the day, observes Mr. C.N. Peac, is that once we came upon the little red schoolhouse, whereas now we come upon the little-rea…

- Bennett Cerf

The fundamental difference between the mystery story and the ghost story is the fact that a mystery demands a solution for its effectiveness; a ghost…

- Bennett Cerf

One of the greatest threats facing book publishing, and the entire country for that matter, is censorship.

- Bennett Cerf

For me, a hearty "belly laugh" is one of the beautiful sounds in the world.

- Bennett Cerf

Banquet: a plate of cold, hairy chicken and artificially coloured green peas completely surrounded by dreary speeches and appeals for donations.

- Bennett Cerf

They tell about a fifteen-year-old boy in an orphans' home who had an incurable stutter. One Sunday the minister was detained and the boy volunteered…

- Bennett Cerf

Football season: The only time of the year when a man can walk down the street with a blond on one arm and a blanket on the other without encounterin…

- Bennett Cerf

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

- Bennett Cerf