It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot. You're a moron. The shortest distance between two points is not a celebrity, or being next to a celebrity.
When I'm funny is when I'm angriest. - Lewis Black
When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.
- Lewis Black
In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twe… - Lewis Black
In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twe…
Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green. - Lewis Black
Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.
Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots. - Lewis Black
Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots.
I'm a happy person but an angry citizen. - Lewis Black
I'm a happy person but an angry citizen.
That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone. - Lewis Black
That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents - doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And … - Lewis Black
Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents - doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And …
I like my friends because they make me feel normal, even though I'm not. - Lewis Black
I like my friends because they make me feel normal, even though I'm not.
I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake. - Lewis Black
I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.
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