Inspirational Quotes, Motivational Sayings, and Wise Words for Daily Inspiration

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I was sat at the bottom of the garden a week ago, smoking a reflective cheroot, thinking about this and that - mostly that, and I just happened to glance at the night sky and I marvelled at the millions of stars glistening like pieces of quicksilver thrown carelessly onto black velvet. In awe I watched the waxen moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an amber chariot towards the void of infinite space wherein the tethered bolts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever in their orbital majesty; and as I looked at all this, I thought, 'I must put a roof on this lavatory.

Les Dawson's Popular Quotes

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

- Les Dawson

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stan…

- Les Dawson

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

- Les Dawson

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

- Les Dawson

There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?

- Les Dawson

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

- Les Dawson

The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.

- Les Dawson

Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him.

- Les Dawson

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

- Les Dawson